i might be invisible, but i am still here

and it sure seems like i always will be.

here. dreaming.

the Christmas season is upon us. and this year, it's going to be all about focusing and trying and doing my best to make things better around here. which, needless to say, will be extremely difficult. but. i am going to try. and, though my mind may wander (and wander it will) i've removed all the physical/technological diversions on my end. which feels scary and awful. but i can't trust myself any other way.

so i may not post here for awhile. unless, perhaps, i reach a breaking point one of these days. or maybe i make some bad decisions and drunk-dial my keyboard, spewing out pent up thoughts and feelings and memories and wants and desires and dreams.....

paths cross and re-cross. i believe that. wholeheartedly.

so, here's to the new year, i suppose. it feels like a long way off.....but, in respect to a door-opening, hand-holding foreverness....a couple weeks is not too long to wait.

because, as impatient a person as i am....i could wait for a hand to hold, forever. now, don't read that as: i don't really want it, so i'd rather just wait, read it as: i want it more than i have ever wanted anything in my entire life, but good things are worth waiting for. so i'll submit to being patient, because i expect that it will be greater than i can possibly imagine.

see how i don't even want to leave right now? i can't stop typing.

i just have so much on my mind. so much to say. so much to do. so much to hope for. so much i'm praying about.

so, here's to patience, as well.

and here's to prayer.

and here's to paths.

and here's to love.

and here's to eating macaroni and cheese for the rest of my life, and never getting fat from it.

stop typing stop typing stop typing stop typing......